New Blog

Because, why not?

Check out my new blog A Barn Owls View.  I've been feeling I need a fresh start with the whole blog thing and will actually be updating my new blog way more.  WARNING* Some posts will be very raw, but hopefully insightful.  Also, I hope to give support to others going through similar things as me and also get support from others.  With Gregg starting up his MBA again this week, I will need it!  

It's possible I might make this (Three Owls in a Barn) blog private, so email me your email greggandlacey@gmail.com if you want an invite.  That is if anyone reads it anymore.  It's been quite neglected.  

Feel free to add A Barn Owls View to your blog lists or reading material.  You won't want to miss out!

Phone Dump

How Come?

With it being Infertility National Awareness Week I thought I'd share a few thoughts that have been milling around in my head lately. Lucky for you.

Recently, I was getting to know an acquaintance better. We asked each other the usual questions: are you married, how many kids, where you from? She then asked if I wanted more kids and I said "yes, very much so". Then comes the awkward moment of do I bring up the fact that it's something we can't choose or just let it go? I see her enough that I figured I better just lay it out there and not make her feel bad when she finds out later.

"My daughter was adopted so it's not a very easy thing for us to have more kids." Said me trying to say it in a easy going manner.

"Oh can you not have kids?"

"No." (Was that not obvious?)

Now here comes the question all of us infertiles love some much. (Note the sarcasm).

"How come?"

What I always want to say at this moment is "non ya." "Why do you care?" "Do you think you can cure me?" "I'm sure you have a friend that had the same issue and magically got pregnant (she did)." "Aliens came and stole my reproductive organs so they could make human babies on the planet of Zorg."

First off don't ever ever EVER ask someone why they can't have babies. Is it okay to wonder? Sure. But don't you dare ask.

"How come" is always asked in such a nonchalant way. Like all the invasive tests and unknowns were so easy and when you do have a few reasons why you can't pregnant you easily move on. NOT!

She didn't see me bawling like a baby in my doctor's office or again when I told my mom over the phone. For me to give you a careless answer to such a relaxed "how come" would demean all I've been through.

Secondly, you don't know more than my doctors do. Chances are, we've heard it all.

Thirdly, we don't want to talk about our husbands sperm and I'm pretty sure our husbands don't want us to either. That's just weird. Don't be weird. Again, there are a team of medical people we've already talked to. That was bad enough.

Be understanding that our "how come" may be very personal. You wouldn't want someone asking about your, uh um..."bed life" would you?

Fourthly, if you've had a friend or relative or dog that has had similar experiences you should already know better. Okay, but seriously...that doesn't mean their experience will be the same as ours. So far I have not magically gotten pregnant and maybe I don't want to try eating only broccoli while standing on my head. Our paths are different. Get over it.

What you can say is this. "I've had a sister/cousin/friend go through a similar experience and I witnessed how hard it was for them. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this." "If you need someone to listen I'm here." I'll keep you in my prayers." Get the idea? If we infertiles ask questions back then you may share your thoughts.

Lastly, don't feel down on yourself if you think you have done this. I'm sure I've offended others multiple of times not understanding what they're really going through. I honestly like the girl that most recently asked me why we couldn't get pregnant. I know she didn't mean to hurt me and I'm sure she has trials I lack in knowledge about too. I just hope I helped give a little insight into my world of thinking so you can better understand others like me.

Happy Infertility Awareness Week. Now you are all a little more aware.

Our Busy Bee Take Two

While waiting impatiently for Emme's appointment I began researching like a crazy person. I started coming across links and articles about sensory disorders. The symptoms fit Emme to a T. It was apparent Emme did not have ADHD, but she could have a sensory disorder that is easily confused for it.

I learned the the difference between hypo-sensitive and hypersensitive. Emme fit the hypo signs which can include: hyperactivity, high tolerance to pain, drooling, touching/slamming into everything, and eating inedible objects.

Emme had her first evaluation in January. She passed all their tests with flying colors. In fact the evaluator had to take a moment to figure out what to test her on next because she had never gotten so far before. They didn't bring an occupational therapist with them or do any testing for sensory issues so we had to set up a another evaluation the next week.

During the second part of Emme's eval, I filled out a questionnaire while they played with Emme. She loved the attention, but got easily bored with their games and kept trying to get in their papers and bags instead. It was pretty easy to see her attention span was about zero. The OT explained that Emme has some severe sensory issues and they suggested we set up an eval through Primary Children's Hospital and also through the Children's Center which deals more with behavioral issues.

That same day was our appointment with Emme's pediatrician. I was so scared she would tell me I was being a crazy mom, but she did the exact opposite. She agreed that Emme was showing behavior that was not appropriate at her age and validated that we were doing the right thing. She asked if I was okay and how I was holding up. She got me resources in case the others fell through. Most of all she told me I was doing a good job. That meant a lot.

On the way home I got an overwhelming feeling that we were doing the right thing and I was not fighting in vain. I felt a weight off my shoulders as I realized there were many others out there to help my child. It felt special to feel the spirit as it was confirmed I was led in the right direction.

The OT at Primaries could see right away that Emme was a sensory seeker. There were a ton of new toys, but Emme was only interested for seconds before she was on to something new. I learned a lot during her eval and her OT even shared that she is also a sensory seeker. It was nice to hear from an adult what it feels like to have a sensory disorder.

So what does Emme feel like you ask? Well we are still learning as every child has different sensory problems, but so far we believe that Emme doesn't feel as strongly as others do therefore she is constantly seeking to fulfill her sensory needs. Thus, hypo sensitive kids are nicknamed sensory seekers. It is almost like Emme's balance, touch, and taste are always off so she is constantly working to get back on track i.e. grabbing, jumping, spinning, and eating everything.

It is unknown what causes sensory disorders, but I have learned we didn't do anything to cause it. Sometimes it just happens. Plus, it is what it is. There's no reason to dwell on the past while we are working to change her future.

We now see an occupational therapist through the early intervention school twice a month, and soon we will be seeing an occupational therapist through Primary Children's quite often. We are still waiting for our appointment through the Children's Center as they were booked out for months. I can't wait to learn from them and have heard amazing things. Emme has already changed from when we started and if anything I think Gregg and I understand her more which makes her a happier girl.

Emme is now awake from her nap so I am done for now, but I will keep updates about her therapy in the future if only for myself.

Our Busy Bee

By the time Emme could crawl she has been a mover and a shaker. We realized early on that she was busier than most kids. We didn't really worry because she was so little and some kids are just busier than others.

When she starting walking our lives turned into a constant chase. We baby proofed our house more and more as she grew, but going to others houses was usually pure chaos (still is) as they were not "Emme" proofed.

We read books on disciplining toddlers and very little stuck with her. It was almost like the choice was never hers to hold still or obey. She had this constant need to touch and put everything in her mouth. Her shirts were/are always soaked in drool and we sensed it had nothing to do with teeth. She's always been rough with other kids and animals and even herself. The list goes on and on.

It didn't take much for me to start feeling little impressions that Emme had some differences from most kids her age. I started to vocalize to other people to see if what Emme was doing was normal and the biggest answer I got was "that's a two year old for you." Most considered me a first time mom that didn't realize how hard raising a toddler is or one of those crazy moms that make up invisible sicknesses for their kids. Some were understanding, but knew as little as I did so we were at a loss together.

Eventually, bad turned to worse and there were some incidences that happened that I could no longer deny something was wrong. I called a friend whose son has ADHD. We had a long great talk and she discussed how I could get help. I called my pediatrician and I could tell the secretary thought I was absolutely NUTSO for thinking my two year had ADHD. They were THREE months booked out. I wanted to cry. Plus, I thought maybe I WAS crazy, maybe I just wasn't cut out to be a mom, maybe I wasn't trying hard enough to discipline her, maybe her pediatrician isn't going to believe me and think I'm the worst mom ever because I can't control my two year old. You get the idea. Doubt was my best friend and failure was my only thought.

One particular bad day Emme was completely out of control. Even though I was two steps behind her she was into everything and breaking whatever she could. I couldn't keep up with her. About the time she was ripping up my sheet music and I started to bawl. I could tell in Emme's eyes she couldn't control herself which made me bawl harder. I decided to take matters into my own hands. A friend had a daughter in an early intervention school as a non-delayed student and she had told me that a lot of kids there were like Emme. I got the phone number and called. The lady on the phone was the most nicest understanding person I've ever come across. I cried so hard I could barely get my words out. She was the first person to act like I wasn't a spazoid and was there to help. Someone could really help my child! There was hope. She was in the wrong school district so she got me all the info I needed, but told me she would help if Emme wasn't approved of early intervention services. I was an emotional wreck and embarrassed of my blubbery phone call so I waited until the next day to call the right school. I found out later that the lady I talked to cried for ten minutes after our phone call because she felt so bad for me. Either she literally is the nicest person ever or I was really that pathetic. I think it was both.

The next day I called the right school and a few days later someone called me to schedule an evaluation and go over my concerns. They were a few months booked out, but still sooner than my pediatrician so I felt I had gotten somewhere.

...Story continued another day...

**We love our little Emme. She is vibrant, happy, outgoing, funny, and just plain darling. We are blessed to have her and would never change a thing. I never want her to be known as a bad kid or for people to think that we aren't more than thrilled she is our little girl. Anyone who has met her can see how intelligent and amazing she is. This is not me complaining about her or venting my feelings as a mom. This is me telling our story so if others are experiencing what we are they know how to find help.

Blog Redo

I'm in my late 20s, wife to a very patient husband, mother to a beautiful girl through the greatness of adoption. I blog of my struggles with endometriosis, the woes of infertility, and the joys those things can bring. This is our story...

This is how my profile reads.  It's true no doubt, but sometimes I feel I should add a few things.  Like maybe...

This blog is about a girl who doesn't sew or have time for crafty things.  Her walls are not covered with the latest designs.  She can't show you new things like how to make an amazing dinner.  In fact nachos are on the menu tonight.   There are canned olives involved so it should get pretty crazy up in here.   She works part time and comes home tired.  Nothing gets done at home when the little one is awake except an occasional block tower or amazing colored pencil drawing.  Crayons are for eating in these parts.    If you show up unannounced her house will be covered with toys and papers will hide the kitchen counters.  She has no idea how to coupon so don't even bring it up.  Yep, this blog will get you NO WHERE.  You better click away fast! 

 

Now that I sound like a depressed wife and mother let me clarify.  When I first became a mom I felt the need to be perfect.  Okay let me back up.  When I knew my becoming a mother depended on others deciding if I could even BE a mother meaning getting approved to adopt and knowing a mother would choose us to parent her child, that's when I decided I had to be perfect.  

Guess what?  I'm not perfect. 
Parenting is hard.  Big surprise!  Life is confusing.  No Kidding!  Things don't go as planned.  No one said they would!

I was talking to a client once about some worries and she flat out told me "You think everything has to be a certain way.  You need to let it go."  

How right she is.  I've thought a lot about it and decided that average is perfect for me.  At this time is my life a lot has to be set aside.  If that means my house is never the cutest/cleanest who cares?  Will I still envy moms that seem to have it altogether and then some?  Heck ya I will!  Hopefully from now on I'll only work on Lacey's kind of perfect.  Not a Pinterest kind of perfect.

I'm Lacey.  Welcome to a blog about enjoying, but also surviving parenthood.  My husband and I have a beautiful daughter through adoption.  We have no idea how or when our next child will come so why not stay a while and watch our journey?  You won't find fun new ideas here, but I hope you get a sense of how hard I try to be a good mom and raise a happy child.  For that you see, is my ultimate goal.

Emme is Two!

Whoa Nelly! It feels like just last month we were celebrating Emme's first birthday. Now we're pushing 2 1/2.  We love our blond little spit fire!  

 

We went to the planetarium with some friends on her birthday.  We frequent there often and Emme always squeals with delight when we pull up.

We had a family party a few days later.  My SIL helped me make this amazing cupcake cake.  It's no secret Emme and I love giraffes, so I couldn't wait to throw her a giraffe party.

Do you love the crayon on my table? 

These are the kind of poses we get nowadays.

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to."

Just some good ol' cousins "helping" open presents.

Emme was obsessed with these cars all summer.  It was a huge hit with the cousins as well.

Look at how blonde that girl is!