A Good Long Juicy Update

Hello, can anybody hear me? 

Yes, it's been forever since I have blogged.  So unlike me, but I have good excuses. First of all, our computer is old and useless and I hate using it.  Second of all, typing on it keeps Emme awake and she is stirring this very minute.  Thirdly, I've had writers block and needed a long break from sharing my thoughts and feelings.  Thank goodness it's a new year and hopefully a fresh start.  We have already spent the entire new year sick, but still have hope that 2013 will be a great year.

If there is anyone out there that still reads our blog SAAWEET, but if not I'm cool with doing things in vain.  :)

So here's our family update:

Gregg:  He is still working hard for our family, but feels that it is time to take on new adventures.  He will soon be applying to Grad schools and working on his Masters Degree.  We are going off pure faith right now, and not completely sure how long or what it will take for him to get into the program he wants.  We both feel it is right and have hope that doors will be opened.

Lacey:  I still work part time as a cosmetologist and enjoy it.  Health wise I have been doing well other than the yucky cold and sinus infection I've been fighting for the last two weeks.  Tis' the season.  My endo is under control, meaning due to BC  I have no pain right now.  I'm sure ya'll wanted to know.

Emme:  She is the most busy energetic outgoing two year old you will ever meet.  Oh wait...all two years are like that?  Dang. There may be a few hypo sensory issues going on with our little Emme that we are looking in to and hopefully will know more about it in the next few months. We love her to death anyway, but as my wise friend keeps reminding me we are in the trenches and one day will get through it.  Being two also has its fun perks and we constantly find ourselves laughing at her cute sayings.  She is talking full sentences and it's so fun to have short little conversations with her.  She always remembers names and if you name one person she will name everyone connected to them.  Including their animals.  She'll randomly bring up someone who we haven't seen or talked about in months and beg to go to their house.  She has no fear of anyone which is good and bad.  It doesn't matter if she's known you forever or for two seconds.  She will strike up a conversation.  She has been potty training for a few months, and picked it up right away.  We went a full week with no accidents and suddenly she stopped telling us she had to pee and the potty became not so cool.  She'll hold it for hours while we're out and about, but not even care while we're home.  Suggestions would be great...   

Adoption:  I'm sad to say it is going nowhere.  The end of 2012 was harder than the beginning which is saying something.  I can now admit out loud that it is just not the right time.  We're okay with it.  That doesn't mean I still don't ache for another great adoption story or another great addition to the family, but the timing is wrong.  With Emme being on the difficult side of toddlerism I can say we're not really baby hungry either.  We've needed a break from trying for baby #2.  Let's just say it would take a great miracle from above for that to be happening soon.  I'm talking part the red sea type miracle.  We've been working on baby number #2 since Emme was a few months old so I'm at peace with taking a break right now.  I always wanted my kids really close together because that's how I am with my siblings, but you can't always get what you want. 

Well, there you have it.  Have you missed me or what?  Let me include a picture as I know many just scroll through for that anyway.

The In Club

The Rhouse featured this video today and I have to say I'm in love with it.

Getting to see Emme's birth family this weekend has me giddy and thankful for an open adoption.

One of my favorite parts is when he talks about his biological siblings.
Emme is our daughter, and our daughter has a brother and a sister. They all have the same beautiful big blue eyes. We love them and someday when Emme understands it all she will too.

ANCSS Oratorical Event 2010: Caleb - "In the Club" from Academy of the New Church on Vimeo.

Back to the Future

Isn't it funny how when you look back on something it all seems so clear? That's how I feel about our Artificial Inseminations. Obviously now that I know they didn't work I can tell you it wasn't meant to be. Like when you're dating someone that's no good for you, but you can't see it until the relationship is over. Something like that.

I didn't cry the day the last test came out negative. I was more pissed and confused at life. Too shocked to have tears. There was some real devastation in there as well. I was so sure one of the cycles would work that it didn't cross my mind that they wouldn't. Gregg and I didn't even talk about it for days. Too sensitive of a subject. One we didn't understand or have a clear picture of yet.

It's not that I regret doing AI's or even did right after they were over. I knew it eventually had to be done and the timing was right for that, just not for adding an addition to our family. Our inability to get pregnant that way had to be proven.

In talking to my doctor recently he said we could do as many AI's as we wanted, but that he did think we put in our best effort and it was now time to move on. I feel at peace that we did our part.

I have moved on from the disappointment of the AI's. Gregg and I have now had many conversations about it. I've even shed some tears. I feel it is important to morn the loss of a child that never was, before we can jump whole heartily to another path. It doesn't sting so much anymore. It is what it is and we're ready to move on. Although at times I feel a pierce of what could have been, this experience has made me except our infertility that much more. Which in looking back I can say I've come a long way. Like half way across the world long. Not quite around the world, but half and I'm okay with that.

Now we're ready to look to the future. We've decided through much thought and prayer, fasting, and more prayer that adoption is our next step. I get butterflies when I picture us being privileged to welcome a new baby to our family through adoption. I hope and pray we do. We so want more children and we so want Emme to experience siblings like we did.

So, with that said, welcome paper work and all that jazz...the Alexander's are ADOPTING!

The Agape Project

Gregg and I had the opportunity to participate in a very special adoption video. It turned out great and makes me tear up every time I watch it. Just try and count how many times LOVE is said. Adoption really is such a loving amazing thing. Although, our journey has been hard and continues to be, I feel so blessed that we are one of the lucky ones that get to experience such a miraculous event. I love Emme's birth mom so much. It's a love that is truly unconditional.

Please enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE share on your blog and/or Facebook. So many people need to be educated on what a selfless act adoption is.

Much love,
Lacey

First Birthday

Gregg and I were so excited for Emme's birthday party with her birth family. Most of them hadn't seen her since she was born so we were ecstatic to show her off. They were so cute and got her balloons and the cutest gifts. Emme had no problems warming right up to them. Unfortunately, we didn't get to see her birth mom this time, but we love her and we're so glad we got to see everyone else. We felt such a fast connection to them when we met a year ago and it was as if we had always been family. Hanging out at the hospital with them was like hanging with people we had known forever. We are so lucky to be connected to such great people.

Emme with her birth brother (K) and aunt.  Doesn't K and Emme look so much alike?

We went with a Ses"Emme" street theme this year.

She had no fear of the cake.

Here, you have some.  It's good!

Best. Day. Ever.

Getting a kiss from her birth grandma.  Isn't that the cutest thing?

You want some cake?

K got her a baby doll, that she loves dearly.

Loves

This is typical Emme.  She'll eat any paper she can find.

They surprised us with a giraffe costume.  So dang cute.  Contrary to this picture she loved wearing it for Halloween.

Great picture of the two of them.

Emme is so happy.

Chilling with Papa.

It's tradition

I don't think it was by any accident that Emme was born in Idaho so close to when the Eastern Idaho State Fair is. It has been a yearly event for my family and me since I can remember.  So it just makes sense that we are now able to take Emme with us and at the same time celebrate her birthday with not only my family, but her birth family as well.  The best part was we ran into Emme's birth grandpa (fittingly called Papa just like Gregg's dad) and birth aunt while we were at the fair.  Crazy to think a year ago we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of this special girl.

My aunt and uncle were in charge of this little car area.  Emme never wanted to leave.  I can't say I blamed her. 

I love taking her to see all the animals.  If you notice her poor eyes, it's not allergies.  I had her tested for cows and she is not allergic, but her poor tear ducts won't let her tears drain so any time spent outside is no good on her eyes.

Another tradition.  I couldn't count the number of these hats I've had in my life time.  We even have a  video of my sister wearing one of these while imitating their commercial.  "HEEEEYYYY CULLIGAN MAAAAN!!!"

I just can't get over this smile. 

Happy National Adoption Month!

Here's hoping it's a healthy month too!

Giraffe?

I have to spoil the surprise and share Emme's Halloween costume. She just looks too cute in it. Her birth family got it for her birthday because they know it's my favorite animal. I wanted her to be one last year, but I couldn't find one small enough for her. I'm so glad they found it because it's perfect for her and goes along with her many stuffed giraffes.

Pure Joy Pt. 2

Gregg's sister Staci took this photo the night we found out about Emme.  The best thing we could come up with in a hurry to share the good news with Gregg's parents was to tape a piece of paper to one of Herc's bandannas. 

This is what happiness looks like.

Pure Joy

2 Nephi 2:25
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

September 1st will be a day we never forget.  It started on my way to work. I was down that day and felt the need to pray. I turned off the radio and poured my heart out like I had done so many times. I told Heavenly Father I was trying, REALLY trying to live in faith, but I wasn't doing a good job at it. I felt we had a baby coming soon, but every day went by without an email from a potential birth mom or even a hint we were being looked at.  I'll always remember rushing home from work to meet our caseworker after finding out we needed to sign paper work.   The shock of reading I was getting a baby. The deep gratitude that Heavenly Father did remember me and has a plan for me. Talking to Emme's aunt and setting up a time to meet {M}.
Most of all I'll remember the JOY. PURE JOY I felt that night. We called each of our siblings and my parents and shared the spectacular (there's not even a word good enough) news. We had screamers, bawlers, and just plain excited responses. A few people even collapsed to the ground. It made us realize how much everyone was on our team. After having so much bad news from us it was the best thing ever to give them good news.

This year we celebrated by getting in our Utah gear for their first game and going to dinner at Olive Garden because that's where we met Emme's birth mom and aunt. We reminisced over pasta and proudly showed off the girl that's made our lives amazing.

She's Got My...

A common thought of adoption is children who are adopted end up looking like their parents.  As if that makes the adoption "meant to be."  I actually don't really believe this because think of all the transracial families through adoption.  I truly feel that they are "meant to be" as well.  In fact Emme is half Hispanic, but this is for a whole other post.  My point is as I was looking through photos today I realized Emme does have something of mine. 

What you don't believe me?

Just look....

That lucky girl has my HAIR!

idea courtesy of Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal

Temple Redo Pics

Remember how I got shingles?  Well, one of the reason I did might have been the stress of getting pictures right after our temple sealing.  The night before the sealing I was almost in tears after hours of searching for an outfit to wear for our family photos (after temple pics) so I called our photographer and we rescheduled for a later date.  Did anyone notice how spring sucked this year?  Well, it was not pro Alexander photos so we rescheduled multiple times and FINALLY after two months we got our pictures taken.  I'm glad we did because the weather was awesome and we were more refreshed.  Oh and that outfit I cried over?  I ended up wearing stuff I already had.  Isn't life funny?

Mother's Day

It's a well known fact Mother's Day has always been hard for me.  I will admit this year was much easier.  I would still get anxiety every time someone would bring up Mother's Day, then I would remember I was a mom now.  I think it's hard to throw away feelings you've had for years and years.  I thought this year would be tear free, but it wasn't.  I was pretty much a blubbering mess through all of sacrament and then again during my lesson. I thought the bishop was going to call me in to see if I was okay.  He didn't for the record.

But man....

I cried...

I cried for Em's birth mom and the extreme love I have for her.  She made me a mom.  Words just can't explain.
I cried for Em's birth family.  They made so many sacrifices for our little girl.
I cried for all those who are still waiting to be moms.  
I cried appreciation to our Heavenly Father that I am a mom.   

So there's always next year to try again for a dry faced Mother's Day, right?

and, What's a Mom Post without thanking my mom and mother in law..  I know they have cried many tears for me over the years.

Sealing Day

Gregg and I believe that families can be together forever. In order to achieve this, we believe you need to be sealed in the temple. Gregg and I were sealed on our wedding day. If we had conceived Emme she would have been born in the covenant, but because she was brought to us through adoption we had the opportunity to have a live sealing in the temple.

We were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple. It was an absolutely beautiful event. We were treated like royalty. I even made the comment I felt like VIP to a temple worker. She said "That's because you are!" Emme got to hang out in the nursery for most of the time. The ladies taking care of her loved her. One even said she wished all the babies could be like Emme. Gregg and I were able to spend some time alone in the Celestial Room. The Spirit was very strong as we sat and contemplated all that we had been through to get our little girl. I felt the overwhelming love our Heavenly Father has for me and our family. The time in the temple made everything worth it. It was one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had.

When they brought Emme into the sealing room it was the first time we had seen her in her dress, because I had never had a chance to try it on her. {Things were pretty busy} She looked beautiful. She had a bowel movement seconds before the sealing, but she didn't seem to mind. She gave big smiles all around and loved the big chandelier at the center of the room.

If I can say anything about what I felt that day it would be that our Heavenly Father loves us. We all have a plan. One that will make us grow and learn beyond anything we thought possible. Hang in there... the rewards are endless.

One happy eternal family.

So lucky to have grandmas.

Alexander side.

Emme loves my hair.

Jackson side.

One tired girl.

Too cute for words.

Together we have it all.

Finalization

After placement of a child it takes six months to actually finalize an adoption. It's sort of a trial period where the agency has custody so they can make sure the baby has gone into a good home. You have three interviews during the six months one of which is a home visit. It's not too complicated, but MAN is it a relief when you are FINALLY able to take your baby to court and legally adopt them.

Our court time was bright and early on St. Patrick's Day.  We had to wake Emme up a good hour earlier than normal so by the time we actually made it to the court house she was exhausted.  She fell asleep in Gregg's arms right before we saw the judge and woke up right after it was all done just in time for pictures.  The judge said it was the first time that had ever happened to her.  She was suffering from ear infections at the time, but  was a champ the whole day.  Gregg's sister Staci was able to come with us and it was so nice to have her there.  Our judge did everything back in her chambers so there wasn't a lot of room to invite a ton of people. 

Everything went very smoothly and when our lawyer asked if I had bonded to Emme in the last six months I broke down crying with all the emotions of having our little joy.  Gregg also expressed his love for Emme and the blessing she is to us.  The judge even had Staci tell a few comments and she shared some sweet
things about Gregg and I and the parents we are. 

I know I've been a huge whiner on my last few posts, but I can honestly say I am so happy with life right now.  Yes, I have to be on a stupid medication, but I'm thankful there are stupid medications out there to help my body.  I believe one day we will all have perfect bodies without afflictions and boy do I look forward to that.  I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to be a mom and to see Gregg as a dad.  I'm especially grateful for the choice of Emme's birth mom.  No words can explain the love Emme's birth family has for her.  I pray we give Emme the life they want for her and sacrificed so much for.

Asleep just in time for court.

Bink Face

With our judge after it was final!

With Staci and our judge.

With our lawyer who has also adopted two children.

Celebratory breakfast at Cracker Barrel.

Emme's aunt Stachi.  Yes, I call her Stachi.

Emme hanging out while we ate.

I love this picture of them.