Cousin Drama

Gregg and I have been having way too much fun this summer. By that I mean we've had so much fun it's been hard to go back to the daily grind. I have some fun posts coming, but until then I had to share a progression of pics of Emme with her two cousins. They made me laugh when I looked back on them. Emme kept climbing up the side of the play house and we kept asking her to get down so "A" thought she'd take matters into her own hands.



Emme proud of herself for getting to her destination. "A"s hand slowing raising.


"Excuse me mom, are you going to let her do this?"


"A" giving the mom look.


"oh no you didn't"


Mission accomplished.



These three are so hilarious together. I can only imagine the mischief they'll get into.




My SIL snapped this picture during the prayer. I only wish you could hear Emme's loud "AMEN!"

Dad's Are...

The bomb.com! Especially this one.



We love you!

Lava Hot Springs

We had the opportunity to stay at my brother's cabin over Memorial Day weekend. We had an absolute blast even though it rained for two straight days. It was still nice to get away and enjoy the mountains while staying in a luxury cabin...of course. Despite the downpour we were able to fit in lots of four wheeling and a swim at the hot pools. Here's hoping we get invited lots more times....hint hint.





The scenery is gorgeous there. Do I look like a pro?


We took a stop to enjoy the view. It reminded me of the book How Green Was My Valley. Seriously breathtaking.


We even took Emme on a short ride. Yes, I was a worried mom the whole time. She was in heaven.


She fell asleep about 5 minutes into it and didn't wake up until we got back. She must have been pretty comfy snuggled between her mom and dad.

Birthday Time

I recently had a birthday which we all know is a big deal around these parts. We did our traditional fancy dinner date with my SIL {who I share a birthday with} at Francks this year. Gregg and I had our anniversary dinner there and I loved it so much I had to go back. Next time you have a special night check it out. You will not be disappointed.

Back to the Future

Isn't it funny how when you look back on something it all seems so clear? That's how I feel about our Artificial Inseminations. Obviously now that I know they didn't work I can tell you it wasn't meant to be. Like when you're dating someone that's no good for you, but you can't see it until the relationship is over. Something like that.

I didn't cry the day the last test came out negative. I was more pissed and confused at life. Too shocked to have tears. There was some real devastation in there as well. I was so sure one of the cycles would work that it didn't cross my mind that they wouldn't. Gregg and I didn't even talk about it for days. Too sensitive of a subject. One we didn't understand or have a clear picture of yet.

It's not that I regret doing AI's or even did right after they were over. I knew it eventually had to be done and the timing was right for that, just not for adding an addition to our family. Our inability to get pregnant that way had to be proven.

In talking to my doctor recently he said we could do as many AI's as we wanted, but that he did think we put in our best effort and it was now time to move on. I feel at peace that we did our part.

I have moved on from the disappointment of the AI's. Gregg and I have now had many conversations about it. I've even shed some tears. I feel it is important to morn the loss of a child that never was, before we can jump whole heartily to another path. It doesn't sting so much anymore. It is what it is and we're ready to move on. Although at times I feel a pierce of what could have been, this experience has made me except our infertility that much more. Which in looking back I can say I've come a long way. Like half way across the world long. Not quite around the world, but half and I'm okay with that.

Now we're ready to look to the future. We've decided through much thought and prayer, fasting, and more prayer that adoption is our next step. I get butterflies when I picture us being privileged to welcome a new baby to our family through adoption. I hope and pray we do. We so want more children and we so want Emme to experience siblings like we did.

So, with that said, welcome paper work and all that jazz...the Alexander's are ADOPTING!

Failure to Conceive

Emme is 20 months old. It feels like she's always been here and yet time has flown by. She is still so smart and I love that I can understand most of what she says and wants. Just today she called a banana, banana instead of nana. It was bittersweet. She still adds a lot of jibber jabber in the mix too. I'll be sad the day she fully loses her baby talk.
With Emme being the age she is I have noticed people with kids her age are starting to get pregnant. I know Gregg and I would be too if we could. In fact in January 2011 I had a disappointing appointment with my doctor. The pain from my endometriosis was getting strong again despite being on birth control to help keep it at bay. I was told I needed to go on Lupron again and after it had calmed my endo we needed to go straight to infertility treatments to try and get pregnant. You see thats the best thing for endometriosis. I completely lost it in front of my doctor. He was very sweet and comforting but couldn't change the lot I've been given.
Emme was only about 4 months old at the time and a lot of my tears came from not having a long enough break from my endo/infertility and I didn't know if I could handle being on a crazy drug while being a new mom. Of course i want more kids and Emme to have siblings, but did I have to think about it so soon? I had the tender mercy while on it that although it was hard at times (ie. cyst bursting, shingles, and catching any sickness that came around because of my low immune system) I got through the emotions Lupron puts you through. It actually seemed better than the previous times crazytown wise.
The Lupron eventually wore off in July and we were able to start artificial inseminations in August. It didn't work that month and we had a strong feeling I needed to have a surgery to clear out the remaining endo to give us the best chance to get pregnant. After my laparoscopy my insides were the clearest they've been in years and years. We felt really good about our choice to continue AI's.
Month after month we were disappointed when each test came out negative. I can honestly say I still had hope after each failed attempt that we had a baby coming soon. I really felt we were doing the right thing. One month I even "felt" very pregnant and my due date would have been around Halloween. We talked about cute ways to tell our families one of which included telling everyone Emme was going as a big sister for Halloween this year. Sure enough the test came out negative and I realized it was probably just the Clomid making me feel pregnant. A cruel joke if you ask me.
We kept everything very private for multiple reasons. It was hard enough to tell Gregg I wasn't pregnant let alone anyone else. We also wanted to shock everyone with our news. Something we've always been jealous of others for.
The time came for our last AI. I still had hope. I could just see our Heavenly Father making us endure and granting our wish right at the end. Like always though the endo pain came right after ovulating and to our devastation the time came to test and it was yet again negative. Goodbye, hope.
It looked like our enduring was really only beginning.

The Agape Project

Gregg and I had the opportunity to participate in a very special adoption video. It turned out great and makes me tear up every time I watch it. Just try and count how many times LOVE is said. Adoption really is such a loving amazing thing. Although, our journey has been hard and continues to be, I feel so blessed that we are one of the lucky ones that get to experience such a miraculous event. I love Emme's birth mom so much. It's a love that is truly unconditional.

Please enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE share on your blog and/or Facebook. So many people need to be educated on what a selfless act adoption is.

Much love,
Lacey