It Hurt For a Reason

 Imagine being a little kid at school.  You were told at the beginning of the day that you would receive a cookie if you were good and did everything your teacher told you to.  Some of the kids in your class were bad and some were obedient just like you.  The time comes that your teacher pulls out the desired treat and starts handing them out to everyone.  You notice everyone getting one even the naughty kids while you are left standing without.  "But why," you ask the teacher?  "Just because," she says, "It's not your time." You watch as others enjoy their cookies.  It makes you sad to have to watch while you desire it so much.  Lo and behold she brings out another box!  You think for sure you'll get one this time.  Yet as the box becomes empty you realize you will again go without.  This happens a few more times.  Didn't you follow the rules?  Didn't you work just as hard and even harder then some of the kids?  Why do you not deserve a cookie, even a morsel?

Of course I'm not really talking about cookies at all...

I've been thinking a lot about "those still waiting."  My heart aches for them because I know exactly how they feel.  Gregg and I will have to work for every child that will come into our family, but at least now we are parents.  We have someone who calls us mom and dad, who gives us kisses before bed, who reads us books in her own language, who has constant snot and drool coming from her nose and mouth, who dances to the hot dog song, who sings to us in the car, and most of all someone who needs us just as we need her. 

So as I watch her grow and her personality shine through I think of those left sitting without a cookie waiting for their time.  Don't they deserve it as much as the rest of us?  They most certainly do!  For reasons unknown to us there are those who suffer from infertility.  Including myself.

So of course there is a reason we cry when we're left childless year after year because parenthood is great.  It really truly is.  Is it hard?  Of  course, but that's for a whole different post.

Recently, one of my best friends told me how her family had started telling her she needed to "get over" her situation and be happy for those who were getting pregnant around her.  I also recall a few comments to myself that if we were to never have kids in this life we would need to be okay with that eventually and support those who have kids.  I didn't want to support other kids, I wanted my own.  Call me selfish.  I realize it's nice to fantasize when you have 4 or 5 kids screaming at you all day and you just want some peace and maybe even wish it would be nice to have no kids at all, but that is not okay to say to someone that is trying their very hardest to be a parents.  Trust me, it gives no comfort. 

Have patience with those around you who are waiting.  Don't take it personally if they aren't ecstatic and asking all the questions people ask when you're pregnant.  It's really not personal.  If we didn't face this challenge we'd be right along with you, but we do face this trial and there are days that we are hurting to the core yet we still have to sit and listen to our coworker or whoever talk about their pregnancy all day. 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is just please give those a break who are suffering from infertility.  As we try to overcome our bitterness and demons there will be days we cry or are mean or just have to leave the room.  I apologize for that, but like I've said our pain is real and it is valid.  Why?  Because parenthood IS great and parenthood is a noble thing to desire.

Yo' Dude

What's up in our neck of the woods you ask? Survival of winter. Although it has been a very lax winter we are ready for warmth. I always wonder why we don't have a trip planned to somewhere tropical this time of year. I mostly blame the green stuff for that.

Poor Gregg had the Klondike campout with the scouts and loved freezing for two days. Have I mentioned that on top of 2nd counselor in the young men's Gregg is also scout master? Punishment for his teenage days let me tell ya.  I am also 2nd counselor in the young women's so we like to think of Tuesdays as date night.  Expect for the fact that we're separate most of the time and dinner consists of In and Out at nine at night.  Luckily the YW president's daughter has been taking Emme for us during mutual.  She comes into YW soon, so I'm not so sure how that's going to work out.  Suggestions at keeping a one year old busy during mutual?  Sundays are also hectic and I'm often told I look exhausted.  Not sure how to take that exactly other than "you look really bad today."  Good times.  Hopefully it doesn't sound too much like complaining.  I love the YW program, love the women I serve with, and love the girls.  I guess Gregg and I just feel a little like we're failing at our callings is what I'm trying to say.  We hang in there though.

Emme is her usual busy self.  I'm told by many people how active she is.  Gregg and I are pretty used to it and have the house Emme proofed for the most part.  It's not easy when she's let free at new places, but she is really good to ride in her stroller in the mall or cart at the store.  For how energetic she is, she doesn't mind being strapped down like a lot of kids do.  I think she's a normal 1 1/2yr old and the calm relaxed ones are the odd ones.  :)  Her new love is climbing.  I'm actually glad she can climb now because I don't worry so much about her on things, as she can now get down by herself.  It's still not unusual for her to take the crash landing route once in a while.  She still puts everything in her mouth and loves to eat paper.  Her newest thing is to reach into the fireplace and grab pellets and sneak them in her mouth.  I can't get her to eat certain foods, but she'll eat ash.  I don't get it.  She loves to talk on the phone and will give a big MUAH to who's ever on the other line.  She's a little cuddle bug and gives the tightest squeezes before bed.  She loves her daddy and screams with delight when he gets home from work.  I love that she is understanding us more and more and learns a new word almost every day.  She's our smarty pants.  I wouldn't have her any other way than our zippy, ash eating, Emme.

We're all looking forward to March.  St. George, Beauty and The Beast on Broadway, and family coming for the Hunger Games premiere are all on the list.  Bring on Spring!  

We Are Family

 It's becoming tradition to have our Christmas party on New Years Eve.  It makes it easier for our large family to all come together at the same time. 

My parents recently finished their basement, so we had a great space to hang out.  They decided to keep the wood paneling in the family room and I like to think it makes for a perfect backdrop.  

My mom jumped at the chance to do last minute family photos and I soon regretted not doing my makeup that day.  Oh well, might as well post them on my blog for the whole world to see.  


I sure do love this family. 

Us being the hilarious people we are...decided to reenact our family photo from when I was probably close to one.  Gregg took a quick picture of it, but cut off Curtis' head.  You get the idea though.  We have slightly changed.

Our Endless Love

It's that time of year again that we sit back and reflect our marriage. Today marks eight years. Crazy to think about!

It would be easy for us to feel that we haven't accomplished what we thought we would by now like the fact that we only have one child and most couples have two or three by now. But I like to think about the hard work we've put into getting our one child. The closeness it has brought to our marriage could not have happened any other way. Referring to how young we got married, I recently told Gregg how lucky we were that neither of us turned out to be psycho and if we are we must both be on the same psychoness level. I could go on and on about how much I love him, but I'll save that for Gregg personally. {your welcome}

So here's to eight beautiful years and not being psycho.  Love you babe!

I just had to share these pics I found of us from Emme's sealing.  This guy makes me laugh.

Christmas 2011

December was crazy busy as usual. It's my busiest month of the year at work so I always work longer days and to throw multiple parties in the mix makes for a hectic month. You could say it's a good kind of hectic because it's fun, but I'm not going to lie when I say I was relieved when it was over. Emme was so fun to watch this year. She ooohhed every time we turn on the Christmas lights and we couldn't wait to take her downtown to the Temple Lights.  We had it all scheduled, but due to Emme's asthma our plans were changed.  Out of now where her asthma flared and I could tell it was a struggle for her to breath.  She had to take a steroid and we had to up all her doses of asthma treatments.  To keep her from getting sick and then hospitalized we had to keep her away from a lot of people and out of the lovely Utah inversion.  So instead of Temple Square we decided to go to Thanksgiving Point with my niece and her friend.  We were so excited for Emme to see all the cool lights, but literally minutes before we pulled in she fell asleep.  Nothing would wake her and the long drive proved too long for a one year old to stay awake.  We laughed at the irony and decided there is always next year.  

We spent Christmas to New Years in Idaho with my family.  Except for everyone getting the 24hr flu and Emme having diarrhea the WHOLE time it was a fun relaxing week.  I think we did laundry at least once every day.  Emme loved waking up to pompa every morning and continually getting crackers from Ma (grandma).  Gregg and I even got a date night while my parents watched Emme.  

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

She loved the lights as you can tell.

She was very excited about Santa and kept waving and saying "ho ho ho," but the second she sat on his lap she was terrified. 

Opening presents with the Alexanders

All of the granddaughters.

Instead of packing all of Emme's presents we let her open a few before we left for Idaho.  I love her face when she noticed her new kitchen.

While Gregg and I were busy packing she found a fun new spot to hang out.

Opening presents in Idaho.

Christmas Day

I could have cropped this, but how else would I explain my sister's awesome photography abilities.

She loved this box and would hang out in there forever. 

Playing on grandpa's tractor.

My country bumpkins

Fall twenty eleven

Halloween update...check. 
Despite being sick in all of October we decided to suck it up and still enjoy some festivities.  Here are some things we got to do.

Pumpkin Patch with Kenz and Kaylee.  Not pictured..our friends Chloe and Alli.

I just had to throw these in here.  My attempts and styling Emme's hair.  It didn't last long.

Trunk or Treat with cousin Sage.

Dress up party with some Idaho cousins.

This one makes me laugh.

Trick or Treating at Dad's work.

Just plain trick or treating. 

She loved getting to pick out her own stuff.