How Come?

With it being Infertility National Awareness Week I thought I'd share a few thoughts that have been milling around in my head lately. Lucky for you.

Recently, I was getting to know an acquaintance better. We asked each other the usual questions: are you married, how many kids, where you from? She then asked if I wanted more kids and I said "yes, very much so". Then comes the awkward moment of do I bring up the fact that it's something we can't choose or just let it go? I see her enough that I figured I better just lay it out there and not make her feel bad when she finds out later.

"My daughter was adopted so it's not a very easy thing for us to have more kids." Said me trying to say it in a easy going manner.

"Oh can you not have kids?"

"No." (Was that not obvious?)

Now here comes the question all of us infertiles love some much. (Note the sarcasm).

"How come?"

What I always want to say at this moment is "non ya." "Why do you care?" "Do you think you can cure me?" "I'm sure you have a friend that had the same issue and magically got pregnant (she did)." "Aliens came and stole my reproductive organs so they could make human babies on the planet of Zorg."

First off don't ever ever EVER ask someone why they can't have babies. Is it okay to wonder? Sure. But don't you dare ask.

"How come" is always asked in such a nonchalant way. Like all the invasive tests and unknowns were so easy and when you do have a few reasons why you can't pregnant you easily move on. NOT!

She didn't see me bawling like a baby in my doctor's office or again when I told my mom over the phone. For me to give you a careless answer to such a relaxed "how come" would demean all I've been through.

Secondly, you don't know more than my doctors do. Chances are, we've heard it all.

Thirdly, we don't want to talk about our husbands sperm and I'm pretty sure our husbands don't want us to either. That's just weird. Don't be weird. Again, there are a team of medical people we've already talked to. That was bad enough.

Be understanding that our "how come" may be very personal. You wouldn't want someone asking about your, uh um..."bed life" would you?

Fourthly, if you've had a friend or relative or dog that has had similar experiences you should already know better. Okay, but seriously...that doesn't mean their experience will be the same as ours. So far I have not magically gotten pregnant and maybe I don't want to try eating only broccoli while standing on my head. Our paths are different. Get over it.

What you can say is this. "I've had a sister/cousin/friend go through a similar experience and I witnessed how hard it was for them. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this." "If you need someone to listen I'm here." I'll keep you in my prayers." Get the idea? If we infertiles ask questions back then you may share your thoughts.

Lastly, don't feel down on yourself if you think you have done this. I'm sure I've offended others multiple of times not understanding what they're really going through. I honestly like the girl that most recently asked me why we couldn't get pregnant. I know she didn't mean to hurt me and I'm sure she has trials I lack in knowledge about too. I just hope I helped give a little insight into my world of thinking so you can better understand others like me.

Happy Infertility Awareness Week. Now you are all a little more aware.

Our Busy Bee Take Two

While waiting impatiently for Emme's appointment I began researching like a crazy person. I started coming across links and articles about sensory disorders. The symptoms fit Emme to a T. It was apparent Emme did not have ADHD, but she could have a sensory disorder that is easily confused for it.

I learned the the difference between hypo-sensitive and hypersensitive. Emme fit the hypo signs which can include: hyperactivity, high tolerance to pain, drooling, touching/slamming into everything, and eating inedible objects.

Emme had her first evaluation in January. She passed all their tests with flying colors. In fact the evaluator had to take a moment to figure out what to test her on next because she had never gotten so far before. They didn't bring an occupational therapist with them or do any testing for sensory issues so we had to set up a another evaluation the next week.

During the second part of Emme's eval, I filled out a questionnaire while they played with Emme. She loved the attention, but got easily bored with their games and kept trying to get in their papers and bags instead. It was pretty easy to see her attention span was about zero. The OT explained that Emme has some severe sensory issues and they suggested we set up an eval through Primary Children's Hospital and also through the Children's Center which deals more with behavioral issues.

That same day was our appointment with Emme's pediatrician. I was so scared she would tell me I was being a crazy mom, but she did the exact opposite. She agreed that Emme was showing behavior that was not appropriate at her age and validated that we were doing the right thing. She asked if I was okay and how I was holding up. She got me resources in case the others fell through. Most of all she told me I was doing a good job. That meant a lot.

On the way home I got an overwhelming feeling that we were doing the right thing and I was not fighting in vain. I felt a weight off my shoulders as I realized there were many others out there to help my child. It felt special to feel the spirit as it was confirmed I was led in the right direction.

The OT at Primaries could see right away that Emme was a sensory seeker. There were a ton of new toys, but Emme was only interested for seconds before she was on to something new. I learned a lot during her eval and her OT even shared that she is also a sensory seeker. It was nice to hear from an adult what it feels like to have a sensory disorder.

So what does Emme feel like you ask? Well we are still learning as every child has different sensory problems, but so far we believe that Emme doesn't feel as strongly as others do therefore she is constantly seeking to fulfill her sensory needs. Thus, hypo sensitive kids are nicknamed sensory seekers. It is almost like Emme's balance, touch, and taste are always off so she is constantly working to get back on track i.e. grabbing, jumping, spinning, and eating everything.

It is unknown what causes sensory disorders, but I have learned we didn't do anything to cause it. Sometimes it just happens. Plus, it is what it is. There's no reason to dwell on the past while we are working to change her future.

We now see an occupational therapist through the early intervention school twice a month, and soon we will be seeing an occupational therapist through Primary Children's quite often. We are still waiting for our appointment through the Children's Center as they were booked out for months. I can't wait to learn from them and have heard amazing things. Emme has already changed from when we started and if anything I think Gregg and I understand her more which makes her a happier girl.

Emme is now awake from her nap so I am done for now, but I will keep updates about her therapy in the future if only for myself.