It Hurt For a Reason

 Imagine being a little kid at school.  You were told at the beginning of the day that you would receive a cookie if you were good and did everything your teacher told you to.  Some of the kids in your class were bad and some were obedient just like you.  The time comes that your teacher pulls out the desired treat and starts handing them out to everyone.  You notice everyone getting one even the naughty kids while you are left standing without.  "But why," you ask the teacher?  "Just because," she says, "It's not your time." You watch as others enjoy their cookies.  It makes you sad to have to watch while you desire it so much.  Lo and behold she brings out another box!  You think for sure you'll get one this time.  Yet as the box becomes empty you realize you will again go without.  This happens a few more times.  Didn't you follow the rules?  Didn't you work just as hard and even harder then some of the kids?  Why do you not deserve a cookie, even a morsel?

Of course I'm not really talking about cookies at all...

I've been thinking a lot about "those still waiting."  My heart aches for them because I know exactly how they feel.  Gregg and I will have to work for every child that will come into our family, but at least now we are parents.  We have someone who calls us mom and dad, who gives us kisses before bed, who reads us books in her own language, who has constant snot and drool coming from her nose and mouth, who dances to the hot dog song, who sings to us in the car, and most of all someone who needs us just as we need her. 

So as I watch her grow and her personality shine through I think of those left sitting without a cookie waiting for their time.  Don't they deserve it as much as the rest of us?  They most certainly do!  For reasons unknown to us there are those who suffer from infertility.  Including myself.

So of course there is a reason we cry when we're left childless year after year because parenthood is great.  It really truly is.  Is it hard?  Of  course, but that's for a whole different post.

Recently, one of my best friends told me how her family had started telling her she needed to "get over" her situation and be happy for those who were getting pregnant around her.  I also recall a few comments to myself that if we were to never have kids in this life we would need to be okay with that eventually and support those who have kids.  I didn't want to support other kids, I wanted my own.  Call me selfish.  I realize it's nice to fantasize when you have 4 or 5 kids screaming at you all day and you just want some peace and maybe even wish it would be nice to have no kids at all, but that is not okay to say to someone that is trying their very hardest to be a parents.  Trust me, it gives no comfort. 

Have patience with those around you who are waiting.  Don't take it personally if they aren't ecstatic and asking all the questions people ask when you're pregnant.  It's really not personal.  If we didn't face this challenge we'd be right along with you, but we do face this trial and there are days that we are hurting to the core yet we still have to sit and listen to our coworker or whoever talk about their pregnancy all day. 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is just please give those a break who are suffering from infertility.  As we try to overcome our bitterness and demons there will be days we cry or are mean or just have to leave the room.  I apologize for that, but like I've said our pain is real and it is valid.  Why?  Because parenthood IS great and parenthood is a noble thing to desire.